I’ve been dating people in and around the punk rock scene for a little under 10 years now, and I’ve been noticing more and more this insidious expectation. I’ve had more than one boyfriend tell me they love my body or love my shape, and while that’s fine, I could never figure out why it sort of rubbed me the wrong way. Why did they feel it was necessary to comment on my body?
I gained some clarity on my discomfort a couple years ago, when I overheard a boyfriend’s mother talking to her friend about how he was a “chubby chaser.” I remember very clearly the flush of shame I felt, how much I felt I was defined by my body. And that is the problem.
So much time we spend talking about how we shouldn’t be definted by our bodies, how our bodies are simple vehicles for our minds and our personalities. Much is made of the effort to remind society that all bodies can be beautiful and attractive. But somehow, the effort has spawned this idea that dating a “fat chick” is some sort of statement against society.
I am not a counterculture statement.
You do not date someone to prove a point. You do not date someone to prove how anti-society you are. You do not date someone because you think you shouldn’t date what you are expected to date.
Date the people you like, who you are attracted to. I am not a counterculture statement. And to make me one is to perpetuate all those standards you claim to hate so much.
on the eating disorder scale, anorexia was always fascinating to me. all eating disorders are about control, but this one was control NOT doing things, where bulimia was more about being out of control then retaking it.
theshamedynamic 