Archive for November, 2014

Fuck You, Ice Cube.

Posted: November 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

Last night I watched 22 Jump Street with a friend.  Ashamed as I am to say it, I loved the first movie – it changed my opinion of Channing Tatum (handsome lunk) for the better.

In this movie (SPOILER ALERT), Doug (Jonah Hill) and Brad (the hotness) are put into a state college to ferret out a dangerous drug and supplier.  It’s presented in much the same way as the plot of the first movie.

In the course of their undercover work, Doug meets a woman who he likes (surprise!) and in the course of hanging out and making friends, has sex with her.  It is presented as consensual and positive (although, hilariously, he states “I’m not the hit it and quit it type; I’m more the hit it, keep on hitting it, on a physical and emotional level, type” after she tries to kick him out).  When he gets back to the police station, as an excuse for not having new information about his case, he explains he “got laid” and got high fives from his colleagues, including his boss, Ice Cube.

On parents weekend, he learns Ice Cube is the father of the girl he had sex with.

He made this face, right here, for at least 5 minutes.

Hilarity (kind of) ensues; Ice Cube is angry, throwing things around, glaring at Doug, sending threatening text messages (including “you’re a dead man “Doug”).  This drove me kind of bonkers, but I couldn’t figure out why.

It came to me this morning.

Fuck you, Ice Cube.  You create and encourage the kind of environment where women are conquests, prizes to be won, marks to be taken.  You are a part of a place where high-fiving for getting laid is acceptable and encouraged.  You broke your scary, angry boss exterior to support a conquest, yet when it’s your daughter suddenly it’s not ok?

You want different things for your daughter, but support systems and attitudes (in a workplace where you hold power to make changes and form attitudes about sex) that ensure things won’t be different.  If you’re okay with a sexual escapade, with it being a conquest rather than an intimate, meaningful encounter with another human being, you’re okay with your daughter being less than a person.  It is NOT okay for you to be angry and upset when your underlings act in accordance with your values.  It is NOT okay to punish your daughter and those around you with your anger, when you created the very environment needed for him to “get laid.”   (Is there a reason we don’t see many female officers in this space?)

You can’t pick and choose who you treat like a person.  You can’t decide women are meaningless and worthy of a high five, then realize you’d like your daughter treated as a whole person with hopes, thoughts and dreams.

And by the way?  Your daughter’s sexual activity is none of your damn business.  Her purity and virginity are no longer selling points or your property to oversee.  If she is a whole person, she gets to decide who she has sex with.

It made me mad because this sort of behavior, being fine with treating human beings like shit unless you know them personally, is normal.  It is everywhere.  It’s the dude talking about bitches, unless it’s someone’s sister and they say “not cool, bro, that’s my sister.”  Like your personal relationships with women are the ONLY THING MAKING THEM WORTHY OF RESPECT AS WHOLE PEOPLE.

If you’re going to be that angry, stop enforcing these sexist, patriarchal attitudes.

(P.S. This is made worse by Channing Tatum’s insistence on calling out the drug dealers for calling him a “faggot”, yet dies laughing about the sexual conquest and only refers to women as “hot” and calls other people “pussies” all the time.  God damn it!)

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When I first started therapy, at least this round of therapy, I immediately got into a fight with my therapist about drinking.

As a substance abuse counselor for many years, I am well familiar with the symptoms and signs of problematic use; my issue was her assertion drinking causes mood disruption for almost a month after the drink.  One drink?  Depressed for a month? Sounded a bit loony to me, especially as I’d never read anything in the literature matching this assertion, with the exception of those who drank every day, then suffering withdrawal and PAWS.  So I did an anecdotal, totally unscientific study and stopped drinking for 45 days, tracking my mood each day.

Through this time period, my parents invited me to visit them on vacation in Florida, I was living with roommates with whom drinking was our main activity, and I was single and working three jobs.  Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard to say no to booze (it’s always nice to have a reminder that I really can stop if I want) and drinking club soda usually solved the problem at bars, as it looks like it could be a drink.  But my mood stayed the same.

(Depression and alcoholism (as well as other drug use) usually go together.  They do not help each other.)

I have never been hungover and told myself I would never drink again.  For one, that’s an absurd cliche.

For two, I knew it was baloney.  Sure, I wouldn’t been tossing shots back the day after a big night, but forever is a long time (hence the one day at a time motto in AA).  But as I grow older and older, I am drinking less and less.  My tolerance is down, and I don’t find myself out on Friday and Saturday nights, spending money and carousing.  I have fewer hangover brunches, and my fridge keeps beer in it for weeks at a time (it helps not having roommates).

I struggle, because in the states especially, it seems drinking is associated with being young, being in college, with fun, with cutting loose.  I worry I am getting too serious, that I am losing friends, that worst of all, I may be growing up and out of the party scene.

yep.

It’s this that is most difficult, because really, drinking is putting a neurotoxin in your body.  It has calories, makes you do stupid crap (sometimes) and it destroys your body if you drink enough for long enough.  I have friends in their forties who party like college students, and my parents definitely drink with their friends on occasion.  It’s these thoughts and experiences that make you sympathetic to anyone in recovery, anyone who has chosen to make changes in their life and put the bottle down.  Because even for us weekend warriors and college boozers, it’s not easy to stop.

This article states an alcoholic is anyone who’s life gets better when they stop drinking.  Does yours?