Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Boundaries, Done Right

Posted: May 3, 2016 in Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, Uncategorized
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boundaries

One of the easiest problematic themes to identify in our music is poor boundaries.

As my frequent readers are no doubt aware, I am a firm believer in boundaries.  These are the limits we set around ourselves in our relationships – they are what we will accept from others, what we will not accept, and the consequences for violations of these boundaries.

Often, those with poor boundaries grew up in a non-validating household, though not necessarily an abusive one.  Abuse, obviously, is a violation of personal boundaries; if you say no, and something happens anyway, you learn you have no power or control over your body, and that others do not respect your limits.  Correcting this misperception is often the primary function of therapy.  However, simple non-validation can also lead to poor boundary development – asking to use the restroom and being told “you can’t have to go, you just went,” or trying to ask for what you want, and being totally ignored, teaches us to mistrust our own wants, needs, and feelings.

Personal relationships often see the worst boundary violations.  The lines between ourselves and the significant other blur, creating an unhealthy and addictive relationship; those who have been enmeshed with a partner know how frightening this can feel, how emotions run unchecked, how powerless you can seem.

Unfortunately, examples of this issue are put forward as the ideal for romantic love almost constantly.  Listening to this song, I was reminded how we can’t depend on others for our entire well being, and how doing so is crazymaking.*  (really, Dido?  You can’t be until I’m here?  YIKES!)  Also, the Spice Girls have a great one which can be enjoyed for maximum nostalgia here.

However, as a change of pace, I’m going to put in a song with kick ass boundary setting, by Alanis Morissette from her first album (the first CD I ever owned, as it happens.)  Lyrics are here; I fully recommend reading along!  This is such a great example of setting boundaries between two people, I absolutely love it.  Enjoy!

 

*I am by no means saying those around us don’t affect us – they totally do!  But depending on other people to determine our emotions isn’t healthy, and deprives us of personal autonomy.  If I’m having a bad day just because you are, I’m also not going to be able to offer support and healthy feedback for you – it’s bad for everyone.

#TBT Song’O’The Week

Posted: April 28, 2016 in #TBT Song'O'The Week, Uncategorized
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In honor of my father.  As always.

Erotomanic Delusions

Posted: April 26, 2016 in evidence based policy, Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, Uncategorized
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Since this isn’t a blog based on diagnosis, but more commentary and information, we won’t spend too much time talking about the validity of psychological diagnoses as a whole (though there are some incredible debates and thinkers who are great folks to follow).  However, I want to briefly touch on Delusional Disorder, the erotomanic type.

Delusions are thought processes and beliefs that do not fit with reality, and persist despite evidence that they’re untrue.  In the erotomanic type, (cribbed from the DSM-V), “the central theme of the delusion is that another person is in love with the individual.”

This is a terrifying concept, and one I think we often see represented in popular media.  One of my favorite bands, and one of the most problematic punk bands around, is Masked Intruder.  Many of their songs concern stalking and threats of bodily harm, and serve as great examples of how delusions form and have negative effects on the object of the delusion.  Imagine telling someone to get lost, and they don’t leave you alone. 

(There is also a terrific cultural argument to be made here, that men often disregard the rejection of women and continue to believe a woman is interested, despite clear evidence to the contrary, and get angry when the rejection continues.  Often, women are killed after rejecting men’s advances.  Coincidentally (surely), this is part of the criteria for Delusional Disorder.)

The song I’ve chosen, from the rich field of possibilities, is “Almost Like We’re Already in Love” (lyrics here).

Scary, right?!

#TBT Song’O’The Week

Posted: April 21, 2016 in #TBT Song'O'The Week, Uncategorized
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Up da punx, yah?

Planning Under the Influence

Posted: April 19, 2016 in evidence based policy, Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, Uncategorized
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One of the most important concepts, and one of the easiest to grasp, is how substance abuse (particularly, for our purposes today, alcohol use) impacts our ability to plan and organize our thoughts and behaviors.

Executive functions, including impulse control, planning, organization, moral judgments, and consequential thinking, are focused mainly in our brain’s frontal lobe.  Frequent readers will remember how this brain development isn’t finished until the early 20s (a great argument for juvenile justice reform).  This is the first part of our brain to really get drunk.

Because the frontal lobe is affected by alcohol so quickly, we lose our ability to properly plan and appreciate consequences of our behavior.  It’s the reason driving after a couple beers makes so much sense to the one drinking.  It’s the reason we have unprotected sex with people we don’t know after closing down the bar.  It’s the reason all those plans for calling our ride, or walking home, go out the window because it’s 1am and it’s cold and we’re tired and we could surely drive just this once, right?

Having a bit of alcohol in our system also impairs our ability to stop drinking.  It’s easy, when sober, to think that two beers will be where we’ll stop; it’s a lot harder after those beers to say no to the next drink.  (This is also due to alcohol’s biphasic effect – we’re feeling good, happy, relaxed after a few, but the depressant effect kicks in more strongly the more we drink.)

There are a million songs about bad decisions under the influence, but I think the most illustrative tune is this Flogging Molly classic, Drunken Lullabies (lyrics here).

The chorus – and we find ourselves in the same old mess, singing drunken lullabies.  We can’t learn when we’re drunk, and we can’t plan properly when we’re drunk, and when we’re drunk, we just want to keep drinking!

#TBT Song’O’The Week

Posted: April 14, 2016 in #TBT Song'O'The Week, Uncategorized
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Actually an album, but who’s counting?  Enjoy with friends over euchre and beers for best results.

Narcissism

Posted: April 12, 2016 in Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, Uncategorized
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Part of my ongoing series exploring psychological concepts through a song, this week’s topic is narcissism.  Named after the Greek myth about Narcissus, a man who fell in love with his own reflection, then died because he couldn’t stop looking at himself (because the Greeks were pretty brutal), narcissism is found in folks who think they’re awesome.

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A little narcissism never hurt anyone, but on the far end of the spectrum is narcissistic personality disorder.  Hallmarks are an inability to accept any criticism, overly grandiose ideas, inflated sense of self-worth, arrogance, a short temper, and a pathological need for admiration, paired with a lack of empathy for others.

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As with any personality disorder, others tend to notice there is a problem before the person is aware or acknowledges a problem.

Say it with me, now: NARCISSISM IS NOT SELF-ESTEEM.  Narcissism tends to come from a feeling of being lacking, and any threat to this fragile self results in aggression, impulsive behavior, and increased frantic efforts to win admiration and personal recognition.

The best song I’ve found to represent this is a great tune by Guster called “Center of Attention” (lyrics here).

#TBT Song’O’The Week

Posted: April 7, 2016 in #TBT Song'O'The Week, Uncategorized
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Happy Thursday!  We’re back this week with a classic from Walls of Jericho, one of my all time favorite hardcore bands (from Detroit!  with a lady singer!) and their great tune, Fixing Broken Hearts!

It’s Not Working…Anymore

Posted: April 5, 2016 in Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, Uncategorized
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Lots of the problems we have as adults result from what we learned as children about how to deal with the world around us.  If we’re growing up in an abusive household, we learn that people are not to be trusted, and develop patterns of paranoia and watchfulness.  If we’re getting bullied in school, we develop armor, sarcasm, a ready defense, or learn to stay under the radar, be quiet, never speak up.

These patterns allow children to survive in hostile environments.  They are useful.  They are adaptive.

But what happens when these children grow up, and suddenly can’t make friends or build healthy romantic relationships?  When our patterns are no longer adaptive?  We have to recognize the use and purpose of how we were behaving, then begin to form new relationships with others and the world around us.

A great song about being stuck in an old, unhealthy, maladaptive pattern is “Happier” by the band Guster (lyrics here).

The song is deeply sad, concerning a person abandoning friends and relationships because he or she can’t trust others to stick around.

We’ll be back next week!  Have an idea or suggestion for a song or psychological concept?  Leave it in the comments!

Selective Perception

Posted: March 29, 2016 in Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, Uncategorized
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Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is a fairly effective treatment for some mental health concerns, especially depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders.  Focus is on increasing awareness of our thinking patterns, then working to replace unproductive/negative/inaccurate thoughts with more useful patterns.

There is a huge list of “cognitive distortions“, or thinking errors, that we talk about in treatment.  One of my personal favorites to focus on when dealing with depression (and, often, criminal thinking) is selective perception – seeing only what we want to see, putting outsized focus on certain events while discounting contradicting evidence, putting too much importance on small happenings.  It’s the reason people discard things that don’t fit with their previous beliefs.  If I believe I’m a terrible person and everything sucks, I’m more likely to focus on the things in life that are hard and that fit with that belief.

The best song I’ve found lately to represent this is an oldie (but a goodie!) by Say Anything, called The Futile, seen below (lyrics here).

Great example of selective perception!  We’ll be back next week with more of music and psychology!

***If you have a concept you’d like to know more about, or a song you’d like featured, send me a message!***

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