Classic!
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Let’s Talk About Self Care
Posted: June 14, 2016 in Building A Better World, Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, UncategorizedTags: activism, building change, mental health, self-care
Every once in a while, I look at the things I do, and I get overwhelmed just thinking about them.
I look at the people I admire, my friends, partners in solidarity, activists, and am blown away by the time and energy spent to make our world a little bit better.
Generally, I don’t love being overwhelmingly busy, as it becomes…well, overwhelming. But lots of jobs don’t help us work toward building a world we dream about, and doing social justice work often doesn’t pay the bills (or requires 2-3 jobs to make a decent living).
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-care lately, and reading about it. Truthfully, this is an area I feel most activists struggle with; there is so much work to be done, and there are so many people who seem never to tire, or get sad, or have to let something go so they can pay their bills. It’s easy to talk down to ourselves, or feel less than. It’s easy to keep pushing, and forget that if we push too hard now, the long-term will actually be unachievable.
Most of my self-care breaks come when I get physically sick, or when I’m too exhausted to get out of my bed, or find motivation to complete the tasks I’ve set for myself. I am working on taking time and space before a breakdown, to work better long term, by maybe doing a bit less in the short term.
In that spirit, I’d love to hear your stories about self-care, or the strategies you use to replenish and recharge.
My personal favorites are spending time with my dog, hiking outside, being by the water, reading a novel, and baking.
Lots of music can help us keep pushing, and replenish our commitment and energy. Off With Their Heads does this tune, Focus on Your Own Family (lyrics here), that asks us to keep pushing, even when things are tough.
Today, take some time to care for yourself, so we can continue building the world of our dreams.
One of my family’s favorite tunes, and so smashingly gorgeous. Holds up so, so well!
Remember when Linkin Park and Jay Z did a collaboration? I DO!
Still the best album for crappy days, the one I listen to when everything goes wrong. Listen to the whole album:
A notable highlight:
Classic, and doesn’t get enough play anymore.
Why “It Will Get Better” Isn’t Enough
Posted: May 17, 2016 in evidence based policy, Psychology in Daily Life, UncategorizedTags: depression, Empathy, mental health, psychology
Like almost 12% of teenagers in the United States, I suffered from depression when I was younger. (and still, but that’s another story).
Depression is insidious, partly because we overuse the term, but also because we have a lingering belief that folks should just “snap out of” whatever is bothering them, totally discounting that this is an illness that needs to be dealt with.
Building positive coping skills is an important part of treatment for people struggling with depression. Coping skills (the fancy psychological term for how we make ourselves feel better) can be anything, from listening to music, to running, to petting a dog, to painting, to talking on the phone. The possibilities are endless, and it’s important to have a large list, because each coping skill is not going to work in every situation (i.e. I might not always be able to go for a run, or some days my favorite movie doesn’t help, etc).
One of the most prevalent coping skills suggested to me, and that’s often suggested for folks through the popular media, is that things will improve in the future. It was a movement of support for LGBTQIA youth a couple years ago. It’s still something I tell myself.
It’s not the most effective thing to tell someone struggling with depression.
Part of being depressed is the loss of hope, of optimism, and of future orientation. When you’re depressed, you’re not too interested in tomorrow, because things are awful today, right now. Depression saps your motivation and energy. “It gets better” might be true, and it’s a great message, but it’s not enough on its own, because depression works against that.
I truly believe that often things do get better, if only because feelings of intense sadness are just that – feelings, and feelings pass. What we must be careful to avoid is invalidating people’s depression and sadness now, in service of a misty, hopeful future.
My all-time favorite love song, and a lost classic of Motown. Frank never gets his due!
Open Relationship Communication
Posted: May 10, 2016 in Psychology in Daily Life, Psychology through music, UncategorizedTags: adulthood, communication, feminism, healthy relationships, psychology
For the longest time, and likely right now, I thought communicating with my partner would take away something from our relationship. Surely, if he truly loved and understood me, he could interpret my change in breathing, or remember what I wanted for Christmas, or actually empty the dishwasher. If I were to say something out loud, I thought it meant we were no longer in love.
Truthfully, this is baloney.
And just as truthfully, in past (younger) relationships, I didn’t believe my partner was doing something because he actually wanted to…just doing it because I had asked, which took something away from the action.
Again, baloney.
The goal of communicating within a relationship is to increase your cooperation, happiness, and respect for each other. Oh, and to get what you want, and make sure your relationship gets what it needs to be healthy. If you’ve got a problem, the goal is to get the problem solved. It doesn’t really matter if a partner really wants to empty the dishwasher, or if he/she is just doing that to make you happy – the dishwasher is still empty. Problem solved.
My favorite sexual feminist issue is consent (read about it here!), and I have come to suspect our distrust and misuse of consent is centered around the same preconceptions I used to have about communication. Surely, we think, if I tell my partner to do something differently, or that I don’t like that position, or that I’d rather not have sex right now, then I won’t be able to enjoy anything ever again and our love is over and this sex is no longer sexy.
Let’s pump the brakes on this, yes?
So many issues can be avoided if we’d just talk to each other! And the worst song offender I’ve found, a song that totally centers the idea of acting without actually talking to the person you’re interested in, is this gem by pop rock stalwarts Weezer (lyrics here)…except the idea is that he says it out loud. Great job, Rivers!
Ryan Gosling knows. #bonusGIF
My mom saw these guys at the Blind Pig in Ann Arbor back in the 1970s. Classic.
theshamedynamic 