The issues closest to our hearts are often the most difficult to discuss with our loved ones. We don’t want to get up on the soapbox, or make people feel attacked.
I was thinking about dieting as I re-read a favorite article of mine from Dances With Fat, a great body-positive/fat-activism blog, about how to deal with family and friends who decide to act as the food police.
After I read the piece, I immediately thought of my aunt, someone I love dearly and who has been present at all big turning points in my life. I don’t know if she had ever been on a diet before the beginning of November. I heard about her diet at a pre-Thanksgiving dinner, where she proudly discussed her 500 calorie a day diet “and if I get hungry, I just drink water!”
I was disturbed…worried, concerned. 500 calories is not enough for a grown woman (or man). That’s less than many anorexic folks take in.
She was thrilled – she had lost 20 pounds in 28 days.
Again…I was legitimately concerned. Most doctors agree a safe rate of weight loss is about 1-3 pounds a week (though most doctors don’t have enough training in nutrition or a good enough understanding of health at every size to talk diets with patients).
I was so proud, at the end of the night, when my mom talked about how she had ruined her metabolism by constant dieting since her teens, and how much space and energy dieting had taken up in her life.
But neither my mother or myself said anything to my aunt, and it wasn’t because we didn’t have the information; I’ve been looking at HAES literature for years and am in recovery from an eating disorder, so by default, my entire family is well versed in the harmful effects of dieting and image focus.
I fully understand the irony of what I’m about to do here. Most of my practice and almost all of my writing tackles expectations – negative emotions come when our expectations don’t match up with reality. The catchier way to say this – the tyranny of the should.
theshamedynamic 